So I haven't posted for awhile. Busy with life i suppose.
Things are going ok...
Although today I felt like a bit of failure as a mum

First Andrew needing speech and OT that made me feel like I didn't do something right
Didn't spend enough time helping him like I coulda done more

Then today at the ped with Ashley saying he has ADHD. My heart sank for him and myself
What did I do wrong ? Was it something I
Didn't do. I
Just feel different I don't know why but i do
I want my kids to happy healthy smart
Kids. Who can be anything they want to be


I know what I'm
Doing for my kids is right and to give them the help they need to succeed

Ashley is my big man who is funny smart sensitive and compassionate

Andrew my big wiggle worm full
Of energy laughter intelligence


My lil April is kind caring helpful and beautiful

Update on family.

This is Andrew who is now 4 years old.

He loves cars,motorbikes and sonic.

My eldest Ashley is now 6 and half.

he is cheeky,funny,loves cuddles and sharkies.

He enjoys taekwondo and rugby league 

                                                   

This is April, our newest addition.

born Nov 25 2011. She is now 18 months old.

Very cheeky,cute, loves music.

Lost and confused

Im feeling very lost at the moment.

Im proud of myself over the last few years, I've accomplished so much, and a lot of it has taken a lot of courage.

Moving out of home, having my kids, visiting my in laws, getting my licence, studying etc
all of it has made me stronger but I'm feeling a lot of pressure in regards to this job issue.

Im not ready to it but no one is listening or hearing me. oh just get over it jess, the anxiety.
im sorry but it does not work simply like that, its not a button i can push on and off at will.

im feeling sad inside, why cant i just take it at my pace and do it in my own time? am i asking so much? i am not enjoying the week because i know, thursday is coming and thursdays i hate.

i feel angry,hurt,sadness and alot of other things, and i just wanna scream, but im not allowed too. i have to keep it inside because if i do, then yet another disappointment. 

i just wanna go back to when i was feeling happy and settled within myself and life.


what happened?

What's in you're food

So I have decided to check the ingredients of the food I eat each day and check out
 what is in my Food

Day one

Mighty soft bread

Emulsifiers 

481:

E481 Sodium oleyl or stearoyl lactylate

stearoyl-2-lactylate Flour treatment stabiliser, emulsifier to make it able to retain shape after going through the machinery. No known adverse effects.

471: Mono- and diglycerides of fatty acids (glyceryl monostearate, glyceryl distearate)

Synthetic fats, produced from glycerol and natural fatty acids, mainly from plant origin, but also fats of animal origin may be used. The product generally is a mixture of different products, with a composition similar to partially digested natural fat. For use in baked goods, all types of dairy foods, margarine and ice cream. No known adverse effects. The body metabolises the products as any other fat. The individual components are also produced normally in the body when digesting normal fat. Although mainly vegetable oils are used, the use of animal fat (incl. pork) can not be excluded. Several groups, such as vegans, Muslims and Jews thus avoid these products. Only the producer can give detailed information on the origin of the fatty acids. Chemically the fatty acids from vegetable or animal origin are identical.

472e:  472(e) Diacetyltartaric and fatty acid esters of glycerol See acetic acid 260.

Acetic acid (ethanoic acid) has been used for hundreds of years 

as a preservative (vinegar, French for "sour wine"). If during the fermentation of grapes or other fruits, oxygen is allowed into the container, then bacteria convert the ethanol present into ethanoic acid causing the wine to turn sour. Acetic acid may be synthetically produced using methanol carbonylation, acetaldehyde oxidation, or butane/naphtha oxidation. Pure acetic acid is termed "glacial", and is completely miscible with water. Typical products include fish fingers, butter, margarine, processed cheese, curry powder, cooking oil. Other names: ethanoic acid. Acetic acid is strongly corrosive and causes serious burns, as well as being a lachrymator.

Flora salt reduced 

Emulsifier 471:  471: Mono- and diglycerides of fatty acids (glyceryl monostearate, glyceryl distearate)

Synthetic fats, produced from glycerol and natural fatty acids, mainly from plant origin, but also fats of animal origin may be used. The product generally is a mixture of different products, with a composition similar to partially digested natural fat. For use in baked goods, all types of dairy foods, margarine and ice cream. No known adverse effects. The body metabolises the products as any other fat. The individual components are also produced normally in the body when digesting normal fat. Although mainly vegetable oils are used, the use of animal fat (incl. pork) can not be excluded. Several groups, such as vegans, Muslims and Jews thus avoid these products. Only the producer can give detailed information on the origin of the fatty acids. Chemically the fatty acids from vegetable or animal origin are identical.

Soy lecithin (E322) is extracted from soybeans either mechanically or chemically using hexane. It’s actually a byproduct of the soybean oil production.

202

E202 Potassium sorbate Similar to 200. otassium sorbate is the sodium salt of sorbic acid. More soluble than sorbic acid. Typical products include cheese, butter, yogurt, preserves, pickles, dried fruit, cakes and wine.

Vegemite

Mineral salt. 508

E508 Potassium chloride Mineral salt. Large quantities can cause gastric ulceration. Used as an electrolyte replenisher. Used in brewing, salt substitute, gelling agent, reduced sodium breads.

III 150c E150c Ammonia caramel, baker's caramel, confectioner's caramel, beer caramel In the presence of ammonium compounds but no sulfite compounds can be used Beer, sauces, and confectionery

Amazing that these things are in here...

Day three of 365

                                                        Ward Family

         Jessica Sarah Elizabeth Ward ( nee byrd) ( thats me) born November 25th 1984

I was born at 10.56am at the royal womens in carlton.  My mum said i looked exactly my dad...hmmm poor me.

I loved sports from a young age, thats because my dad is into it. I love my afl and support my team always high or low.

Always a poser in front of the camera my parents say and i think they are right.

I used to live in footscray but now live in wyndham..we moved when i was 4 years old.

I love living here its my home and what ive known always.

So here is a picture of me when i was four

I am now a mum and a wife. Being a mother is the best, i get alot of joy and happiness out of my boys.

I met my Husband 7 years ago, and we have been married 4 years. He is my rock,bestfriend and my shoulder to cry on.

My world would not be the same without him and i love him to peices.

                                               Jessica and James Married July 15th 2006

day two of 365

                                                   Ward Family

                         Andrew Ward was born may 18th of 2009, induced as he was 4 days late.

I went into hosptial at 8am, i was very nervous as this was my first natural birth so i had no idea what to expect. So it all kicked off at 9am, then as it went on the pain got stronger. There was a time during this stage that my blood pressure went up high and was a possbility of having another c/s, which i did not want.

Thankfully i was fine and 6ish i had my beautiful baby boy. i was so pleased with myself for having a vbac. and only having two shots of pethadine.

Today my my little monkey is 20months and will be two before i know it.

My Cheeky lil monkey.

Day One of 365

The Ward Family.

Ashley is my eldest son he was born December 8th of 2006. He weighed 7lbs 14

We had waited such a long time to met him, but we got such a surprise!. we were told at an ultrasound

We were having a girl,so i went out a bought all girly stuff. I had started my weekly visits with my OB

and the first one i went to, he told me "no good, baby come out now" i looked at my hubby and we were in shock. So the phone calls started,to inform everyone our baby was going to be born via an emergancy c/s.

I was sooo nervous but excited aswell, so they took me off to the Operating room and i was scared of the epidural, i hate needles. I did fine and hubby came in, i was so out of it i dont remember alot

All i remember is a baby being shoved in my face and my hubby saying jess its a boy.

It does not seem that long along that my now Four year old boy, was a baby.

He is off to kinder next month and then school. I love watching him grow and express who he is. He so funny with some of the stuff he coems out with. He loves rock music and ferrairs.

This is my Boy Not long along.

Mummy Loves you